Labels

Why do we place such importance on labels?

I never minded labels in the past. I admit that I can be somewhat of a left-brained person at times -- analytical, logical, systematic. Labels were just adjectives, ways to organize and categorize everything (and everyone) into neat little groups. 

Simple, right?

Wrong.

Humans are not inanimate objects. We are fluid! We change and evolve. Labeling ourselves boxes us in. Limits us. Can make us feel stuck in a place we won't necessarily want to be forever. A label may cause someone to be stunted, to not reach their full potential, to live a lifestyle they don't feel comfortable in. 

I have mixed race friends who struggle with what ethnicity to bubble in on forms. A friend who agrees with some democratic and some republican platforms, yet feels pressured to "choose" one party over another. (And on a lighter note, do you know the anxiety I have experienced when asked my hair color?? Do I still say "blonde" despite what age and dye have done to it?)

So, what about sexuality?

I remember, as a kid, thinking that a person was going to be gay or straight depending upon who they fell in love with first. Simplistic juvenile thinking? Perhaps. But maybe there is some truth to it.........scratch that....maybe there should be some truth to it. (Or, who knows, maybe I've always been a Kinsey 3...)

And yet in our society, people are forced to choose a label. Straight, gay, or bisexual usually. 

But sexuality isn't a black and white issue! There is a whole spectrum -- google the Kinsey scale. But still there is pressure to choose, to decide which route we're going to take in this life. And I never questioned it until recently. 

With the recent events in my marriage, I struggled to cling to labels. I needed to classify myself, my husband, our marriage.......things were suddenly not black and white or organized in a neat little package. 

Matt had the epiphany before I did. Why, he asked me, do we need to label ourselves as one thing or another? And my only answer was because other people are going to label us.  

Wow. Did that really come out of my mouth?

My revelation came a few days later. A friend was asking about our "back togetherness" and what it meant, exactly. And I tried to explain, and got suddenly defensive feeling I had to justify our motives and actions. The truth of it is that we love each other and always have. We're best friends and want to be together. I am willing to accept Matt whether he is gay, straight, bisexual or other; and he will accept me and my hetero/bendy/bisexual feelings. He is the same Matt I fell in love with. Why was I so demanding that he choose a label? 

People vary day to day in their feelings -- happy, angry, sad, excited.....and I think many people vary in their sexuality too! There may be some people who are 100% gay or 100% straight, but for most of us I don't think there is a constant. 

So, we aren't going to label ourselves. We are who we are, and we're comfortable with it. We're going to remain married. We're going to take each day as it comes. We're going to love unconditionally and respect each other's feelings. And we're going to allow each other room to grow and explore. 

We want the boys to grow up without the confines of sexuality labels. I want to tell them that they may fall in love with girls or boys and have that seem perfectly normal to them. I don't want them to have "the traditional nuclear family" as a standard to live up to. 

I don't expect all of you to understand this. The world can be very black and white, and sometimes it's hard to see all the different shades of gray. But I can ask you not to judge -- our family, or anyone else's. Everyone is on their own journey through this life; and after all:  life is about self-discovering and hopefully even evolving. 

Peace.